Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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