I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
