Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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