lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
