A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
