She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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