you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
