apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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