is wine microwaveable?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
