yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
