A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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