I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
