she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
