You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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