no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
