Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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