My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
