we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
