woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Is Oprah even human
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
