I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
