I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
