RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
