shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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