I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
