Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
