I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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