I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
