oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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