my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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