rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
