She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
