2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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