She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
