The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
