Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can't put those talents on a resume
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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