I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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