Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
