hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
