She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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