so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
