i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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