someone get that fucking seahorse.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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