im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
