dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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