My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
