38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
