I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
