I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
