Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
