woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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