Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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