i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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