Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
