so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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