it's too hot outside to masturbate.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
