So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
